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Boi Spicy Cannon
Boi Spicy Canon Pre-"Dem Boyz" Era (2005-2015) Boi Spicy was officially founded in 2005 by a struggling musician who was down on his luck but starting to gain a small following online. Not much was known about him though, except for the fact that he went by the name Dead Meme. Boi Spicy was originally a passion project shared between Dead Meme and his close friend, Johnny Quazar, whom he met at a swap meet. Quazar was selling bootleg FLCL dvds when Dead Meme first approached him, and after a quick argument about ranking the Death Grips albums, the pair realized that they had some sort of chemistry. Dead Meme proposed that they try to record a project at some point in the near future and for some convoluted reason, Quazar accepted the offer. After a trip to the local Chili's to borrow some cash from a drifter, they were able to afford cheap synthesizers and microphones. Dead Meme was able to remodel his garage into the original Boi Spicy recording studio with the extra funds. After the rebuilding process, Quazar affectionately named it "The No-Homo Zone". Unfortunately, it was burned down during one of frequent collaborator Woodson's drunken fits. The original plan for Boi Spicy was for the group to revive interest in the nightcore genre, but the duo found that writing music was harder than they thought, since both of them were illiterate at the time. Quazar was given the task of finding a song writer who could also handle some production, thus Ian The Dinosaur lll was brought in to the group around 2007. The three of them would go on to write the song "Herr Haboatzel", which failed to chart on the billboard top 100, but was nominated for an MTV Music Award. Many fans blame this lack of success as the reason that ID3 had been abusing heroine throughout his entire career, but there wasn't really a reason. He just REALLY liked heroine. Surprisingly it never lead to his downfall. The group was about to give up on music by hosting a "Boi Spicy Official Group Suicide" at Cluggy's Amusement Center, but on the way Dead Meme hit a pedestrian trying to cross the interstate. That pedestrian ended up being Casual Jog DNC, and after a quick death threat not to tell his insurance company, he was on board to join Boi Spicy. In early interviews, Dead Meme revealed that DNC was actually pretending to ride a scooter and was shouting "BING BING BA DING DONG DONG BING" when the accident occurred. On the ride back to the Boi House, DNC suggested that the group reform themselves into a boy band so they'd stick out from the rest of the upcoming nightcore artists at the time. That was the day Dem Boyz cemented themselves as a boy band, a decision that would change the fate of the group forever. The future wasn't looking too bright for the boys though, as they went on a 5 year hiatus in 2009. During this time, Dead Meme was making a name for himself in the music community, as he was slated to become the next Wu Tang Clan member before being kicked out for constantly staring at GZA's big succulent toes. DNC was in the middle of producing an album for Icelandic music sensation "Björk". Quazar gave up on music entirely and was actually homeless until around 2011, when he moved into the Death Grips house, where he learned to appreciate music again. ID3 competed in the "World Heroine Championships" and placed 1st. In early 2014, the boys started speaking again after meeting on Furfinity and reminiscing about the good old times. During this, another musician that went by the name Triple Ratamacue joined the server, and after bonding over their mutual love for Dr. Thunder, TR was integrated into Boi Spicy, thus cementing the original Boi Spicy lineup. Dem Boyz Era (August-October 2016) In October of 2015, Boi Spicy got back together and started work on their first ever studio album, "Dem Boyz B Spicy 2Night". The album was mostly produced by Dead Meme and Quazar, with the song "Spikes" being produced by the members of Death Grips. The album was set to release in June of 2016. But tragedy struck on May 28th 2016, as Dead Meme passed away after a tragic yachting accident. Due to the loss of their founding member, the band decided to delay the release of the album until around August. Dem Boyz B Spicy 2Night was released on August 24th, 2016 to mostly positive reviews from critics and is commonly praised as being one of the boys' best projects to date, as well as one of the best albums of 2016. In October of 2016, the group released "Dem Boyz R Still Spicy" to mostly negative reviews. Many critics claim that the album tried way too hard to make the album sound like the original and claimed that the album "didn't sound like a Boi Spicy album". Another common complaint was that the album contained no "flow" or "narrative" like the first album did. The negative reception caused Boi Spicy to go on a short hiatus so that the group would be able to "recapture their sound". On October 27th, Quazar was found unconscious in his trailer park home. He was later pronounced dead from an ear infection. This caused the band to get back together and celebrate by releasing "The Johnny Quazar EP". As if they hadn't learned from the critics, the Boyz released their 3rd full length studio album, titled "How R Dem Boyz Still So Spicy?", being the third entry in the "Dem Boyz" series. Critics again disliked the album for its lack of originality, however, it was quoted as being "better than spicy". This album was the first to feature new recruit Johnny KP, who was in the band until the end of the Fresno Era in 2018. Following the arrest and subsequent release of ITD III for possession and abuse of crack cocaine, they released "Dem Boyz Have Yet to Reach the Spiciness Limit" on October 18th, the fourth in the series. Like an anime in its 14th season, the critics repeated themselves, though this album was noted in that ITDIII's flow sounded significantly less "cracked out". Pre-Massacre Era (November-January 2016/2017) In late October 2016, the late Johnny Quazar's girlfriend sued for songwriting loyalties not being paid to her, prompting a mini-documentary and concept album "Dem Boyz B As Spicy as They R Edgy: The Visual Concept Album" on October 24th to fund-raise for court fees. The project grossed $40, which came from their local target, who preemptively purchased 3 CD copies to resell, mistakenly thinking that Boi Spicy was the Beach Boys. The Boyz, however, got off scott free, since Johnny's ex-girlfriend mysteriously died a few days after. This album was the fifth in the Dem Boyz series, and the last, due to the death of creative masterminds ITD3 and Triple Ratamacue, who were the boyz responsible for starting the series to begin with. The only remaining original member of Boi Spicy at this point was Casual Jog DNC. The band now consisted of CJDNC, Johnny Kant Piss 2016-, Jeph (with a "ph') recruit, and Double Pataflafla recruit. The latter 2 were recruited after the tragic boating incident that killed Ian the Dinosaur III and Triple Ratamacue. They had both been completely sober, but drove their $90 dollar jet ski they had bought with all the remaining Boi Spicy revenue into a tree. Some believe this to be a suicide, however no proof has been uncovered or released. This almost entirely new band released their first non-"Dem Boyz" album, Boi Beach (Fuchsia) on December 23rd, 2016. The name of the album was inspired by the Target mishap from earlier that year. This album incorporated elements of Porno-Grind and Smooth Jazz, which was all new territory for the boiz, some attributing this to the new members. Critics praised this album for its ingenuity, but critiqued it for its lack of songwriting talent, as the previous songwriter, ITD3 and Triple-R had both died. Casual Jog had written all songs on Boi Beach, but it seemed that this was the only thing wrong with it. The Boyz had started recording for their next album when a shooter intruded the studio, murdering all of the Boyz in cold blood. The working album title had been "Welcome 2 Spice City", and would have been released on January 19th. The album was said to be a masterpiece, and would have been groundbreaking for early 2017 standards, but the world will never know. Post Massacre / Conspiracy Era (February-July 2017) After the massacre occurred, the boyz still somehow all kept updating their twitters, even posting pictures of themselves, leading some to believe that the massacre had been staged and was a publicity stunt to hype up sales for the posthumous "Spice City: Demos from Before the Massacre". No support for this theory has been released thus far. However, a body that strongly resembled Casual Jog DNC washed up on the shores of Japan, which wouldn't make much sense, but no one cared enough to really look into it. His body was covered in drawings of dicks and the word "faggot". The cause of death had been attributed to suicide via alcohol poisoning, which would be really hard to do. Return Era (August 2017- January 2018) The Boyz somehow returned from (faking) their deaths by releasing a new album, with all the same names, titled "Taco Bell Junction (with ocean sounds)" on August 2nd, 2017. This album featured new recruits Bumpers and Garfield. No critics commented on the album at the time of its release, however it is now praised for being "the spiciest comeback album of 2017, even spicier than a Taco Bell Taco". This prompted the Boyz to work harder than ever during their Taco Bell Junction (with ocean sounds)" World Tour to write and record new material. (the live album of the same name was released a week after the tour ended, August 21st, 2017.) This new album is titled "No One Came to the Official Boi Spicy Orgy", but in some promotional posters was shortened to "No One Came...", as well as on the censored KEITH APPROVED version due to the "Sarah Cromley Incident". The album was released on December 30th 2017 to critical acclaim and is said to be dem boyz' best project yet. After the album released, the group was ready to celebrate by planning another Official Boi Spicy Orgy, hoping that people would actually show up this time. Before the orgy could happen though, dem boyz found themselves in a HUGE mess of trouble, as they'd recently broken into a local walmart and broke all of their ripsticks while trying to ollie them. To pay off the $20 in ripstick debt, the band decided to prostitute themselves at a foreign film festival in the downtown Zimbabwe area. None of dem boyz were harmed though, as they were somehow able to scrap together around $53 by polishing/selling rocks to serious collectors. They made almost the exact amount for 5 bus tickets back to Zimbabwe. On the ride though, the bus ended up breaking down in Uganda and the band was shocked to find themselves surrounded by fucking weebs, arguing about who is best girl in My Hero Academia (It's Tsuyu, go fuck yourself) They first thought this was very humorous, but soon grew tired and annoyed of the incel pack. Due to the tension that had already been building in the group for some time, they all got pissed and walked off in separate directions, thus temporarily ending Boi Spicy. In the 3 hours of being on their own, Double Pataflafla recorded and released his EP, "Red Heads With Inflatable Berets", on the Boi Spicy website. He has since come to renounce the project as his own. After realizing that they needed each other in a very h̶o̶m̶o̶-̶e̶r̶o̶t̶i̶c̶ brotherly manner, dem boyz all met up at a local Applebees and reformed Boi Spicy. They made the journey home only to find that their loft had been burned down by a gang of normies who still think that Ugandan Knuckles is funny, all led by Sarah Cromley. Dem boyz are currently starting their journey out of Zimbabwe and it is unkown where they might settle next. On the official Boi Spicy Instagram feed, a new album is being hinted at for a late-spring/early-summer release. It is currently unknown what will happen next. This era of Boi Spicy concluded around late January 2018. Fresno Era (Late January 2018 - August 2018) On February 2nd, 2018, it was reported that Dem Boyz had been spotted making their way towards the United States. They were doing so by performing a variety of jobs, including opening a 5 star restaurant, running an arts and crafts store, becoming shoe shiners, pushing people's cars off of curbs, performing scoliosis surgery, fixing broken cello bridges, and letting high school sophomores hit their Juuls in the bathroom. Throughout this slow period of doing literally nothing, Bumpers decided to record and release a brand new EP, "The Big Red B EP", right after he got sexually harassed by middle schoolers inside a CVS. With the minor success of the EP came a profit of about $5, which meant that they officially had enough money to start their lifelong goal of a dry cleaning business. This happiness was short lived though, as the money blew away and fell into a storm drain. Tired, hungry, and really fucking bored with each other, they decided to lay down in the street and welcome death with open arms. Little did they know that it was actually Wednesday, and the street was closed for cleaning. It just didn't feel like a Wednesday. While midst a group spooning session, Johnny Kan't Piss found a dollar in Bumpers' pocket and decided to "borrow it" for a while. After sneaking away from the group, he spent it on a lottery ticket at the local Wawa. He won a whole $10, which he spent on Bugles and crack cocaine. Johnny saved the crack though, and ended up selling it to a "wealthy" business man. This venture gained Dem Boyz access to the infamous European drug ring, which skyrocketed their profits by over 300%. They quickly became known as the most heinous and violent drug lords of all time, and eventually ended up destroying all competition. This success didn't last long though, since Jeph (With A PH) ended up using ALL of their product, burning down their hideout in the process. Luckily, they made enough profit to buy plane tickets to North America, although they didn't buy the tickets. They swam there instead. They washed up on the coast of California and decided to station themselves in Fresno, buying a multi-million dollar house and a new spine for Bumpers. Somewhere throughout their journey, they contacted internet lolcow Chris Chan. After screaming at them and telling his mom, Chris decided to work with Dem Boyz despite their differing opinions on the Sonichu comic. They released their new lead single, "Love Is Love (Not You've Been Pwned)", off of their upcoming unnnamed album on February 11th. In early March 2018, Double Pataflafla revealed the release date of their upcoming album, "The Never Ending Road To Boi-Town, USA", to be May 25th, 2018. 3 more singles were then released on the band camp, "Hype Beast (Feat. King Lord Yeezy, Yung Coon, Wazowskl and Rennoc)", "Love Quest 2004 8 (Feat. Yung Sandwich, Woodson, and David Pimpin'thots)", and "Boi-Town, USA (Feat. Isaiah Lowery)". Around early April 2018, Boi Spicy was revealed to be founding members of the K20 music collective and plan on collaborating on a project called "K20 Airlines". The release date has not been set nor had the album been confirmed. On May 21st, Double Pataflafla announced that the album would be delayed until some time around August 2018. On May 25th 2018, it was revealed that Boi Spicy has added a new "member" currently known as Hill Wall, who is their visuals guy. In June, Dem Boyz decided to embark on a cross country tour of Europe, which resulted in them getting banned from 10 countries due to them violating human trafficking laws. In some plan to "grow their fan club", the band sat in front of people's houses all night in the Lit Boi Express and lured children out with the promise of free back rubs and fresh local produce. Johnny has gone on record saying that they were trying to prove the "1 in 6" theory right. The government wasn't that far behind the boys though, and eventually caught up with them in Poland, leading to a high speed chase which resulted in the destruction of the Lit Boi Express after it hit a curb and rolled down a hill. Dem Boyz were on the run from the police once again. Hiding out on cargo ships and planes, the group ended up in Mongolia, where they restarted the outbreak of the Black Plague by breeding circus fleas to sell to the black market. They decided to just cut their losses and head back home to Fresno, where upon their arrival they found that their beautiful beach front property was covered in ants. Not just regular ants, but Canadian ants. Without any money leftover from the ride back, Dem Boyz couldn't do anything about the ant problem and just learned to live with it. They later ended up becoming attached to the ants. Bumpers accidently stepped on one of the ants in the process of moving back in though and was exiled from the boy house and the band. With nothing else to do, Bumpers decided to head back to his homeland of Zimbabwe and continue his mildly successful solo career, releasing several singles and projects. Unfortunately, Bumpers got a little TOO bored back in Zimbabwe without the boys, and decided to take a pencil to the wee wee in order to cleanse himself of his sins against the human race. Bumpers didn't get his measurements quite right though and accidently stabbed himself in one of his arteries. He was pronounced dead on Sunday July 22nd, 2018. Hearing of Bumpers' sudden passing, Dem Boyz ordered their arsenal of ants to retrieve his body and carry him to his final resting place, Boi-Town, USA. On August 8th, 2018, The Never Ending Journey To Boi-Town, USA was released to critical acclaim, many reviewers giving it an 8 or higher. The album was praised for having a much more mature sound than the first album, and not dragging a much as the first album did. Unfortunately, the boys wouldn't get to celebrate their success though, as the night before, they departed on their journey to visit Bumpers' body in Boi-Town, USA. A few hours after they'd left, their vehicle was found abandoned in the middle of the Tuscon desert without any trace of where the boys could've gone. During police investigations, a man named Lucius was found locked in the trunk and was completely unaware of the events that had unfolded moments before. The only thing he said before walking into the night was "I've gotta get the band back together." Lucius wasn't able to find any of the boys though, so he assembled a new Boi Spicy. The members consisted of Pichard Richard, Sam With A Capital D, and Johnny Death. Although the conflict of recreating the band was resolved, Lucius still felt a dark and mysterious presence loom over him. The Fresno Era concluded on August 9th, 2018. The Tuscon Era (August 2018 - Early December 2018): After the tragic events of August 8th, the band decided to step away from the spotlight for a while. No, not due to their album being a financial failure that sparked numerous lawsuits and debates about "emotional trauma", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean, but because of their newly found passion. Over the course of August, the boys had started growing their own GMO-filled super fruit and selling it for millions. This resulted in the total reconstruction of Boi Spicy into an Amish settlement. The once proud boy band now stood before the nation as a gaggle of humble farmers, more of an upgrade if you think about it, really. Throughout the Autumn season, the boys began to expand their selection in crops, harvesting fruits such as lettuce, lettuce, lettuce, used raisins, and more lettuce. One day, while tending to the lettuce fields, Lucius' reoccurring migraines began to, well, occur. He dropped into the lettuce and began spasmming uncontrollably. Luckily, after watching for about 10 minutes, the boys were also out in the fields and came rushing to his aid. After laying him down on a mattress bought from the First Annual Pride Of Providence Mattress Sale, his eyes began emitting a glowing blue light, and the Ghost Of Bumpers emerged from his head. "My boys", he said, "You have lost your way. It seems you've forgotten your real purpose". But it was too late for them to go back. The boys now feared technology and everything surrounding it, including the people that manufactured it, which could just be blamed on their crippling social anxiety. Or so they thought. Using Lucius' body as an anchor to the living world, The Ghost Of Bumpers lead the boys out of the farm and into his previous home in Sarasota, Florida, with the promise of endless Wheat Fields and Eastern Expansion. This Era concluded in December 2018. The Sarasota Era (Mid-December 2018 - Present) After the loss of the farm, Dem Boyz were hit with a sweeping wave of debt, due to them literally not paying any of the expenses that it took to actually run the farm and years and years of tax evasion. With nothing in their possessions besides a small ball of hair and a dirty sweat band, the boys decided that it was finally time to begin again. And with that, they began walking the path to a clean and healthy mindset. After purchasing 3 semi-automatic assault rifles and enough bullets to last the entirety of The Vietnam War, the boys ran guns-blazing into Disney's Animal Kingdom, taking out any animals that they felt stood in their way. Boi Spicy is now single-handedly responsible for the extinction of 3 different species of wildlife. Their path of destruction led way to Expedition Everest, where they began their ascension of the mountain. After isolating themselves inside the mountain next to the yeti, they began the journey to enlightenment, firing at any coaster that passed them. Through their deep meditations, The Ghost Of Bumpers would speak to them each individually, telling them their exact purpose in life and teaching them the ways of Buddha, or some shit like that. The boys re woke on December 23rd, 2018, knowing what they now had to do. While descending the mountain, Johnny Death accidentally got his baby shin caught in one of the track pieces from the ride, and was hit by one of the coasters. This caused the ride to be put on hold for cleaning, giving the boys enough time to sneak out of the park. The Carol Of The Boyz EP was recorded in a hotel room that night and was released December 24th, 2018. After another short hiatus, the 3rd and final album cycle for Boi Spicy began in January 2019, with a set release date for May 24th, 2019. Not learning from their mistake the first time, the boys found themselves overwhelmed while recording the project and, once again, pushed the release date back to August. In February 2019, the boys all began working separate jobs in order to fund their upcoming project, and began distancing themselves from one another. Working as a janitor and struggling to find purpose, Pichard Richard fell in love with a literal piece of shit that he had to clean up after somebody missed the urinal. Unfortunately, it did not reciprocate the feeling, sending him into a spiral of depression and grief cause he's a self centered asshole. This caused him to become discouraged and stop production of the album, temporarily quitting Boi Spicy multiple times, definitely not for attention guys. Lucius and FZA began working together as traveling peanut-salesmen and are currently stationed in Tuscaloosa, Al. After multiple scams involving Potter and his legally imported army of African Tribesmen, they decided to try and sell their business in order to move back to Sarasota. Sam ate an entire Moog module. Johnny, disheartened by the loss of his shins, created a pair of nearly identical shins by stealing them from a cadaver. Unfortunately, he left them in the dryer too long and they shrank, thus repeating the cycle of baby shins. In March of 2019, Boi Spicy publicly announced that their upcoming project, Where Good Boyz Go 2 Die, would be their final, as they've grown tired and have always wanted to try out that group suicide that the original boys never got to attempt. This era is still ongoing and can change whenever new events occur.